Why Do I Sometimes Look At My Son So Badly?

Why do I sometimes look at my children so badly that I am not satisfied no matter what I do?

When I saw this mother's question, I felt the same way, because only a few years ago, I felt exactly the same as her.

In my eyes, my son is really useless, and it is annoying to look at!

The first is to drag and move slowly. Everything is like driving at 0.5 times speed. In the morning, the fire is in the room.

Then there is vulnerability, can't say, even if he just tells him "this question is wrong" very calmly, his eyes can be read! His face was expressionless all day long, and he didn't say a word, just like someone owed him!

Not to mention every day after 11 o'clock, I don't understand how to explain the application questions, and I hide in the quilt in the middle of the night and secretly play with my mobile phone... I scolded and scolded, and there are a lot of rules, but it's useless!

During that time, I used to yell at him at night, and then go back to the room shaking all over, always feeling very incompetent and helpless: How did I fail so much? How did you have such a useless child?

If you feel as helpless and defeated as I did then, read on.

Because of all this, there is still a chance for change!

Now, my son has become my pride. Although he still moves slowly and has a restrained personality, I sometimes look at him and want to hug him, touch my head, and boast, "How did I give birth to such a wonderful son!"

Although the child has entered junior high school and entered adolescence, he often has a smile on his face and will tell me about school affairs. He can safely hand over his mobile phone to him for self-management, and his homework in junior high school is completed at 9 o'clock at the latest.

How did all this happen?

First Of All, We Must Understand That What We Hate And Despise Is Not Our Children, But Our Own Life, Ourselves.

It's Not Children Who Make Us "Unpleasant"

"You're just like your father!..."

When we are dissatisfied with our family relationships, when we are dissatisfied with our husbands and in-laws, we will project these resentments on our children.

Therefore, as long as the child behaves a little like those "people we don't like" or "habits that make us unbearable", as long as the child behaves a little like his father, his in-laws, and so-and-so, we are dissatisfied. , angry, unpleasant.

Children just unintentionally activate our emotional memories. When the child is "slow down", you may feel the anger of quarreling with your husband; when the child is "unwashed", you may feel the grievances of getting along with your mother-in-law.

It is not the child that makes us unpleasant, but our own grievances and dissatisfaction in our family life. The child is just a "bearer".

"I just didn't study hard back then..."

When we are dissatisfied with the state of our lives, when we feel that our lives are too failed, we project our dissatisfaction on our children.

So, if the child behaves like we were playful, lazy, and secretly watching TV (playing with mobile phones), we will be furious, because it seems that the child is repeating his "failed" life...

So whenever someone says "we didn't play when we were kids", we have to tell them "now kids are different from us"!

In fact, it is not that the children have changed, but we are afraid that they will end up living such an ordinary and imperfect life just like us.

What really makes us dislike the eye is not our children, but our own "not as good as others".

Children Look At Us "Not Pleasing To The Eye"

The relationship is mutual. When we dislike our children, they will also dislike us, which directly leads to the total failure of all educational methods and skills.

Many parents have read the method of setting rules, the method of communication, the method of cultivating self-control and attention, but they can't implement all of them when they try it with their children!

This is because, no matter what kind of education method, even beating and scolding, there needs to be a premise that the relationship between children and their parent's trusts and likes each other.

Just like children in the middle and lower grades, the more they like which teacher, the better their grades in which subject. This is because the teacher likes him, and he likes the teacher.

Similarly, when children like their mothers and are willing to live like mothers, family education becomes easier than ever. On the contrary, if the child hates his mother and doesn't want to live like his mother, will he listen to you?

Therefore, if you want your child to become obedient and sensible, your changes are the most important.

Change is easier said than done.

Even Though We Know That Children Often Become The Scapegoats Of Our Inner Demons, It Is Really Not An Easy Task To Turn "Unpleasant To Look At" Into "Like To Look At".

Fortunately, We Can Change The Cognitive Habits Of The Brain By Changing Our Behavior.

At Least One Hug A Day

Give your child a big hug when they wake up in the morning, before dropping them off at school, after school, or before going to bed at night.

Along with the hug, say "Have a nice day" and "How was your day?"

This hug is not only for children but also for ourselves.

Hugs and skin-to-skin contact can increase the secretion of oxytocin, reduce our stress index and fatigue, and allow us to experience the feeling of happiness. But in the beginning, maybe not so well.

Share :